We were all sitting around the dinning room table studying the map of the river with the Captain.

" It's not good enough. " said Mr Pepperday.

" What's not. " asked the captain.

" Hell look. " said Mr Pepperday pointing to the river on the map.

" What's the matter. " said Joe.

" Look. " said Mr Pepperday. " Look what it's called. "

We all looked at the name of the river.

I read out the name. " 'Ouse"' I said and looked at Mr Pepperday.

" Well I ask you. " said Mr Pepperday. " We travel umpteen miles to arrive in tropical Africa and what river do we sail up. . . . the river Ouse. "

" It's got to he called something. " said Joe.

" Yes, but the river Ouse. " said Mr Pepperday. " I can sail up the river Ouse from King's Lynn in Norfolk. " Mr Pepperday looked at Captain Brooks.

" Why can't we sail up the Zambezi or Limpopo or one of the other romantically named rivers we've all heard about. " said Mr Pepperday.

" Well. " said Captain Brooks. " Firstly we're on the wrong side of Africa, secondly you can't sail a boat of this size up those rivers, and thirdly they don't go where you said you wanted to go. "

" Pretty thin excuses if you ask me. " said Mr Pepperday.

" If you want tropical rain forest it's there. " said the Captain pointing to an area on the map.

" It doesn't show many trees' said Joe.

" It's a navigation map. " said the captain. " There isn't much need to know how many trees there are on the river bank when you're sailing a boat. "

" Not unless you're very bad at it. " I said. The captain gave me a hard look.

" Where are we making for. " said Mr Pepperday.

" A small village here. " said the Captain, pointing to a place on the map. " It's called Asa Tar Onoko. "

" That's a relief. " said Mr Pepperday.

" Why. " said Joe.

I had a horrible feeling it might he called Little Titmarsh or something like that. " said Mr Pepperday.

Now if I said Psa Tar Onoko consisted of six straw huts in the middle of nowhere, I might be accused of making the place sound more exciting than it deserved.

There had been very little of interest anywhere along the river, just miles and miles of sand and scrubby dead trees. As we approached the jetty near Asa Tar Onoko Mr Pepperday was becoming a little concerned.

" Are you sure you know where we're going. " Mr Pepperday asked Captain Brooks.

" You said you wanted to see some tropical rain forest didn't you' said the Captain.

" Yes. " said Mr Pepperday. " But err there doesn't seem a great deal around here. "

We all looked out at the sand, boulders and dried scrub, stretching out as far as you could see into the heat haze shimmering in the distance.

" Don't you trust me. " said the Captain giving a big grin.

" Well err. . . . " said Mr Pepperday, not knowing quite how to answer that one.

" Look over there. " said the captain pointing. " You see those hills. "

We looked into the haze behind the village, there you could just make out a long gray smudge, looking very much like a storm cloud.

" Those. " said the Captain. " Are the Kimajarum mountains and you can't get much more tropical rain forest than that. "

" Now that. " said Mr Pepperday. " Is interesting. "

" Why's that. " I said.

" Well. " said Mr Pepperday. " The Kimajarum is an interesting but extremely difficult area to get to. "

" I've only heard of it once. " said Joe. " And that was only a reference saying how inaccessible it was. "

" How cum a sea captain knows how to get a big boat like this to such a remote part of Africa. " I said, looking at the Captain.

The Captain laughed. " I was young once you know. "

" I doubt that. " said Joe.

" Well. " the captain continued. " I was a young lad sailing the seven seas looking for my fortune. Now this friend of mine, met a bloke, who had a mate who knew the location of one of King Solomon's mines. "

" You must he kidding. " said Mr Pepperday.

" I was only eighteen at the time and quite gullible and well it seemed plausible at the time. " said the Captain. " It turned out eventually that someone had overheard a geologist talking about a diamond find in them there hills. " The Captain pointed to the mountains.

" We spent a couple of years prospecting in and around this whole area. "

" Did you find any diamonds. " said Joe.

" Do you think I would have ended up on this tub of I had. " said the Captain.

As we pulled alongside the wooden jetty at Asa Tar Onoko there were about two hundred people waiting for us. I don't know where they came from, it certainly wasn't from Asa Tar Onoko, I can only assume the jungle drums had been working overtime as we had been steaming up river. We tied up alongside the jetty and Captain Brooks said he would go and arrange for some native porters.

" The Captain must have learnt the language when he was here last. " said Mr Pepperday watching the Captain talking to a group of people on the jetty.

" Well I've got a dozen porters. " said the Captain on his return. " We will take four days supplies. "

" Will that be enough. " said Mr Pepperday.

" Four days is enough out there. " said Captain Brooks. " Especially for anyone not used to it. "

" Have we got to walk all the way to those hills. " said Joe. " Well there's nothing else. " said the Captain. " This isn't London you know. "

" It looks such a long way. " said Joe.

" It's not as far as it looks. " said the Captain.

The first thing that became apparent as we started off was that the captain was not as linguistic as we had first thought, because almost all the natives could speak excellent English.

Not only that they could sing ' Rock of Ages. " from end to end, which they did continuously as we marched to the mountains. The amount of enjoyment you get from walking eight miles in the hot African sun is approximately none.

However when we got to the mountains, just as Captain Brooks had said, it was real tropical jungle.

We camped the first night on a ridge overlooking a lush green valley with a river running along the bottom. We pitched our tents, had supper and thankfully pushed our aching limbs into our sleeping bags.

Having finally got used to the thump thump thump of the ships engine at night I found that now I couldn't get to sleep because I couldn't hear it. As night fell I lay there and began to become aware of other noises starting to penetrate the darkness. Crickets were the first, churo, , churp, , churn, , then some other insects joined in with a brrrp, , , brrrn, , , brrrp, , , brrp, , a deep throated rivit, , rivit, came from the frogs. Suddenly a high pitched weeeeeeeeeeeeeep screeched through the air, another from the other side of the tent followed, weeeeeeeeeeeen. Gradually more and more sounds joined in rivit. . brurrt, . . . brrp, , brrp, , churp, . . brrrrtpt. , , , drrrrrrrttttt. , , mot, rnot, mot. , . , , weeeeeeeeeep, , , rivit, , rivit. It was like lying in the middle of a cement mixer. I rolled over and stuck my fingers in my ears. " Are you asleep. " said Joe.

" Of course I am. " I said. " Why. "

" Well as everyone else out there in the jungle is awake I thought you might fancy something to eat. " said Joe.

You think they would have some consideration for people trying to get some sleep. " I said. " What have we got to eat anyway. "

" Well I want something hot. " said Joe. " I've been shivering in my sleeping bag for the past half hour. "

" I'm glad you're cold as well. " I said. " I thought I was sickening for something. "

" I got cold as soon as it went dark. " said Joe, switching on his torch and struggling into his thick jumper.

Quietly we rummaged through our rucksacks. I don't know why we thought we had to whisper and he quiet about things, anyone who could sleep through the racket outside wouldn't he disturbed by our little bit of rattling about.

"How about this. " said Joe holding a packet in the beam of his torch.

" Mixed stew and vegetables. "

" Have we got some water to mix with it. " I said. Joe held up a bottle.

" Right I'll get the primus going. " I said.

We put our thick anoraks on to keep us warm as we waited for the stew to boil. I was holding my hands over the primus for a little extra warmth when suddenly ~bllllalalalalalal. . . .

" What was that. " said Joe.

Then it happened again. . . . belllalalabhlala

" If there's anything I don't like. " I said. " It's things that go belalalalala In the night. "

belllalalabhlala.... something was hitting the side of the tent, in fact several things were.

" I'm going to take a look. " said Joe.

" Take the elephant gun. " I said.

" Somehow I don't think it's an elephant. " said Joe.

Joe picked up his torch and undid the flap of the tent. Now that was a mistake. I suppose both of us should have known better. Our little tent with the light from the primus glowing away merrily inside must have been like a light house to every insect and moth within half a mile of us, and was there a lot within that half mile. Joe poked his head out the tent flap.

" Aaaaa. . rrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr. " shouted Joe as several Large moths hit him in the face, Joe rolled backwards, on top of me. " Get off . . . . watch the stove. . . . . . . close the flaps. . . " I yelled. The stove rocked alarmingly, Joes coat began to smolder.

" Bloody hell. " shouted Joe, smothering the smoldering material with the first thing that came to hand. . . a book. . , my book. . 'Julie does it again. '

" Watch the stove while I lace up the flap. " I said.

Several moths had already found there way through the chink in the flaps.

" Now we definitely won't get to sleep. " I said. " Not untill we have got rid of these moths flying around inside the tent anyway. " By the time we had de-mothed, straightened out the tent and got comfortable again, the stew was ready. And we were most certainly ready for it. It was of course too hot.

If you think it's noisy in the jungle at night you should hear it at dawn. I like to think of dawn as being the time I normally get up. Of course it's not. . . . it's 4. 30 in the morning.

Every insect bird and animal simultaneously hoot, whistle, chirp, sing, rattle or bang as loud as they possibly can. The object of all this noise has a good scientific explanation, it is all done to wake up anyone who has only just managed to get to sleep after all the noise during the night before.

Me and Joe eventually dragged our selves out of the tent at six thirty. The natives were already up and cooking something they said they had caught in the jungle that morning. It looked to me suspiciously like a tin of corned beef.

Mr Pepperday came breezing out of his tent.

" Hello you two. " he said. " This jungle air's wonderful isn't it I've not slept so well in years. "

" What about all the noise. " said Joe.

" What noise. " said Mr Pepperday.

" I don't believe it. " said Joe.

After breakfast we all went down from the camp through the jungle to the river at the bottom of the valley. After the fanfare of noise in the morning it was now amazingly quiet.

" This is more like it. " said Joe as we followed the natives through the trees.

" I feel like a real explorer now. " said Mr Pepperday.

" I feel sick. " I said.

" Come on. " said Mr Pepperday. " This is it. . . this is Africa, this is the jungle. "

" Every naturalists dream. " said Joe.

" That doesn't stop me from feeling sick. " I said.

Just because you didn't get any sleep and couldn't identify want we ate for breakfast. " said Joe.

" It was horrible. " I said.

" Best breakfast I've had in a long time. " said Mr Pepperday. " This jungle air's good for my appetite. "

" This place certainly agrees with Mr Pepperday. " said Joe. " I've never seen anyone so hearty at this time in the morning. "

" It's so exhilarating to he here. " said Mr Pepperday.

" That. " I said. " Is a matter of opinion. "

The jungle track was non existent and we were following a path hacked out by the natives. Every time you put a foot down, something either gave way, snapped or went squelch. If you grabbed something for support, it was covered in slime, disintegrated completely or bit you.

" Ugh. . . " I said as my boot went into another patch of unidentifiable goo.

" This is living. " said Joe.

" Now look at that. " said Mr Pepperday with the sound of amazement and wonder in his voice.

" That. " said . Joe. " Is something. "

I looked up. It was Ignarlious Seharinous, a large green gray fungus, this one was particularly large, it can best be described as being like a ton of spaghetti after a bomb has exploded underneath it and the smell is like rotten fish.

The jungle started swaying, I was sweating profusely, the heat, the damp, my stomach was turning like a cement mixer and now the smell of rotten fish. It was all too much. The jungle was swimming before my eyes, my knees gave way, I doubled up and was sick between two Panichio plants.

" The galloping ab-dabs they've got the wing man. " shouted Joe as he heard me disappear beneath the Panichio plant.

What happened next I'm not quite sure. I can remember hearing Joe and Mr Pepperdays voices calling somewhere from outside my universe, strange muffled voices talking somewhere in the beyond, their words echoing around but not making any sense.

Much later I found out that they left two natives with me to take me back to the camp while they carried on to the river valley. That of course was a very sensible decision and like most of Mr Pepperdays decisions, the proper and correct thing to do in the situation. What he hadn't bargained on however was my reaction after I had stopped being sick.

I don't know how long I was dying under the Panichio plant but after I had finished being sick, I felt quite a bit better. I even managed to eat a bar of chocolate and share a bottle of beer with my guides.

Fifteen minutes or so later my guides indicated that we should be going back to the camp.

" Heavens no. " I said. " I feel fit as a flea now, lets catch Mr Pepperday up. "

The natives looked puzzled.

" Oho corn ban ar ho acanco. " said one to the other.

" Cahhra an oil" said the other.

" O dear. " I said, as it became apparent that neither of them spoke any English.

One of them pointed again back toward our base camp. I pointed in the other direction down the track left by the other party.

" Fallow Mr Pepperday. " I said.

" Ar. . . Mr Pepperday. " one of them said and pointed.

" Yes. " I said. " O crikey don't either of you speak a word of English. " I looked at them both. " Follow Mr Pepperday. " I said.

" Fallow Mr Pepperday. " They said.

" Ou gan Oun-ho. " said one to the other.

" Tjnba umba uba. " said the other.

Then the first said " Fallow Mr Pepperday. " and he pointed down the track cut out by Mr Pepperday and his party of natives.

I nodded my head and they beamed big grins at me.

This is going to be fun. " I said. " You think they would have left me one who could speak English. " I looked at the natives both grinning at me. " Not one word. " I said picking up my equipment and starting down the track. " Rock of ages. " I said jokingly. I wished I hadn't.

"Arr. . rock of ages. " they said.

They then sang Rock of Ages over and over and over again, as we followed Mr Pepperdays track down to the river in the bottom of the valley. We reached a small clearing by the side of the river.

" Boa conga asthma To mar kidder. " said one of my guides.

It's not what I would have said myself, but it was a spectacular view. The river in full spate rushing down the gorge, with green jungle covered mountains reaching up to the sky on each side, twisting away into the distance. the valley becoming lost in the mist.

" Au Marco ci ci mi a. " said the other guide bending over a collection of stones. I went over to have a look, someone had made a fire. I put my hand down over the stones they were still warm.

" Which way. " I said looking up at my guide. He looked around at the jungle. Unfortunately apart from the track we had just come down there were three other trails leading out of the clearing.

The guide bent down to inspect the ground.

" Tim ne shaka ea sech wwr so ent my coo Nr ca. " he said feeling the surface of the ground.

" Uncala. " said the other guide.

Eventually the first guide pointed down a trail. I was quite a wide trail with allot of branches broken off and undergrowth trodden down. We had gone down the track quite a distance following the general line of the river when we came across this large fat hairy boar. It stopped thrashing through the jungle when it heard us coming and turned around.

" O no. " I said. " We've been following a pig. "

Now the normal reaction when confronted with a large wild boar who looks as if he is about to charge, is to run. We all. . . . . , had quite normal reactions. The boar ran forward six or seven paces then stopped, it evidently decided we were not worth bothering with so turned round again and carried on with its journey thrashing through the jungle.

We arrived hack at the clearing we had started from and stood looking at each other.

" OK Gunger Din. " I said. " Who's not so hot at tracking then. " The guides looked at each other. The one who suggested that trail shrugged his shoulders.

" All right then. " I said. " My go. " I took a coin out of my pocket and flipped it into the air.

" Heads that trail, tails that one. " I said pointing.

I missed the coin coming down and we had to scratt about among the grass to find it. " It's heads. " I said.

We headed out along the other track, we hadn't gone far when we came across the peel of an orange laying on the jungle floor. I bent down and looked at it.

" Arr. . " I said, with a sort of knowledgeable trackers expression.

" Joes orange we're on the right track. "

The two guides gave a big beaming smile at me.

" Rock of Ages. " I said.

Ah yes. " said one of the guides. " Rock of Ages. " They began to sing again as we wandered along the track.

We had been walking for quite along time, in fact a considerably long time and I thought we should have arrived somewhere by now. The atmosphere in the jungle had changed, it had gone very still and quiet, very much like the period before dusk when all the animals start settling down for the night. However it was still broad day light.

Suddenly

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzthunk

I looked round, the natives hadn't noticed.

Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzthunk it happened again. .

Zzzzzzzzzz7zzzzzthunk. Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzthunk. . . . . . " What was that. " I said.

" Onko ni zumbko. " said the guide just behind me.

" O. " I said non the wiser.

Zzzzzzzzzzthunk Zzzzzzzzthunk Zzzzzzzzzthunk. . . . .

Then I realized what was happening, it was starting to rain. And did it rain. . .

Yes

And did it rain hard. . . .

Yes. . . and when you think about it, it's got to rain, after all that's why it's called the tropical rain forest.

It didn't help though, not only were we getting tired, hungry and lost, we were now soaking wet.

Even the native guides were beginning to get a bit depressed, I heard of them muttering ' Ilmpa cu la ginga fallow Mr Pepperday iincha cha. ' Which, although I couldn't speak the language, I took to mean ' what idiot suggested fallow Mr Pepperday.

I had just about given up hope of ever seeing England again when we heard voices up ahead. We came to a small clearing where several natives were standing.

" Aah Dr Livingstone I presume. " I said with a big smile. If ever a joke was wasted that was.

The natives looked at me blankly.

" Krakieco mekickamko. " said on of the group of natives.

" Don't tell me you don't speak English either. " I said.

" Kimomockico. " he said.

I turned to one of my guides.

" What's he saying" I said. " What am I saying. " I said to myself. " You two can't speak English either. "

" Oooooooooooo. . . . " I said and went to lean against a tree while I left my guides to talk to the group of natives. Kesmiama mkoskomcho mockhono. "

" Oh mi cc aba mhe. "

" Kmechcomko. "

" Oh co moch chi. "

As the natives looked at each other with increasing expressions of perplexity it became apparent that my two guides couldn't speak the same language as these natives.

" I don't believe this. " I said, " You're not Mr Pepprerdays party at all are you. "

The group of new natives went into a huddle to discuss things, they then started off down a track. The last one waved his arm at us, this we took to be a signal of fallow us, which we did.

After a climb and a walk we arrived at a native village. "Um bo ri ho ca cyance. " said one of my guides.

" Civilization at last. " I said. It showed how desperate I was getting, when I was prepared to call twelve grass huts civilization.

We were led to a hut with a very old man sitting on the ground outside.

The old man slowly looked up.

" Kimjumbic a k-umbiuha pa elicakoao. " said one of the natives who had brought us there.

"You English. " said the old man.

" Yes. " I said.

"Ah Queen Victoria. " said the old man. " Great lady. " he paused obviously thinking of times pest. " She still well, she must be getting on a bit now. " he chuckled to himself.

" Err. . . yes. . " I said, feebly. Well I didn't know quite what to say, here I was a total stranger, lost, coming out of the jungle and meeting the only man for miles who could speak English. If I said O she died years ago, the shock would have probably killed him.

" Kum ch kumbjo umkigkomo. " said a native to the old man.

" They tell me you're Dr Livingstone. " said the old man.

" No that's not my name. " I said. " That was a joke. "

" Hmmmm. " said the old man. " Was it a good joke. "

" Not very. " I said.

" Hmrnmm. " went the old man again.

" I was looking for Mr Pepperday. " I said,

" Who is Mr Pepperday. " said the old man.

" He's my boss. " I said. " We're on a sort of expedition. We're from the Beagle Pup. "

" Beagle Pup. " said the old man looking somewhat puzzled.

" It's a boat owned by captain Brooks. " I said.

" Brooks. " said the old man.

Brooks. . . . . Brooks . . . . .. Brooks . . . . .Brooks . . . . . the word Brooks ran around the village like an echo.

" His boats on the river over the mountains. " said the old man.

" How did you know that, " I said.

" News travels fast round these parts. " said the old man. " Young Brooks is a friend from long ago. "

" Can you take us back to the boat. " I asked. The old man looked up, not at me but at the sky.

" Not now. " he said. " It's getting dark, tomorrow. "

" Mr Pepperday will be worried when he finds I'm not at the camp. " I said.

" We will let him know where you are. " said the old man.

" How. " I said. Just then some drums started heating. " I give you one guess. " said the old man.

I arrived back at the boat about midday, I was told that Mr Pepperday and his party would be back at the boat just after tea. For a place without telephones everybody was remarkably well informed.

Captain Brooks was busy organizing things with some old friends, news of his arrival having by this time spread far and wide. As for the Beagle Pup, it was not the boat I had left only the day before. Every inch of deck and many inches below decks were stacked with boxes, crates, packages and bundles of strange items.

I stood on a small piece of deck near the side of the ship that was not as yet occupied by anything. I watched all the activity going on all around me and on the wooden jetty below.

" What's all this stuff. " I asked the Captain as he made one of his many trips past the place where I was standing.

He didn't answer, he just disappeared below decks. I decided to whistle for a bit.

" Here. . . " said a voice. It made me jump because I was concentrating on a difficult hit of music by Vivaldi.

It was Captain Brooks he had brought two mugs of cocoa from the galley and was thrusting one at me.

" O thanks. " I said, taking the mug. The Captain stood for a few moments in silence, blowing on his cocoa.

"It was part of the deal. " said the Captain.

" What deal. " I said.

" With Mr Pepperday." said the Captain. " He hadn't got enough money to charter a boat for the expedition he wanted. "

" That's what I thought. " I said.

" And I sort of felt sorry for him so agreed to do it for almost nothing. " said the Captain, he paused and took a sip of his cocoa. " On condition that I could do a bit of freighting if the opportunity presented itself. So we might just about break even on the job if we're lucky. "

" I wondered how he'd managed it. " I said. " Me and Joe figured he'd never get the thing together because of the cost. "

The Captain laughed.

" Cost. " said the Captain. " Is he paying you and Joe. "

" I don't think so. " I said.

" And cooks along because she's nowhere else to go. It's not breaking the piggy bank yet is it. " said the Captain.

" There's the supplies and equipment. " I said.

" O it's cost him. " said the Captain. " Almost everything he's got. "

" His one last fling. " I said.

" But without you two and the boat for nothing, " said the Captain. " He couldn't have done it. "

" The old fox. " I said. " I never thought for one minute he'd really be able to pull it off. " I sipped my cocoa. " There's one thing I don't quite get however. " I said. " Me and Joe, well we're daft enough to come along dust for the hell of it, but how cum he gets you into such a deal. "

The captain finished his cocoa and started to wander off.

" Arr. . " said the Captain. " There's the rub. " he gave a huge grin. " I owe him one. " said the Captain.

" What for. . . " I said. The captain started down one of the hatches leading below decks. He gave a laugh.

" I owed him one all right. " he said just before he disappeared from sight he looked up at me.

" I married his sister. " said the Captain. " That's what. "

" That ......... " I said, pausing to adjust my surprise. " I'll go and help with the cargo. " I said.